Episode 8: Everything “Perfect Love-Relationship”
During today’s episode we discussed the following questions and answers. You can listen to the episode as a podcast from HERE. And here is the transcript of this podcast episode.
Question 1: How does the perfect love relationship look like?
Answer: There are two aspects to your question – the first one is the human aspect; the second one is the divine aspect. The divine aspect has always been the same – we will touch on it later. The human understanding about how the perfect love relationship looks like is very fluid – it changes often and radical, sometimes even twice or three times within a generation. So, the perfect relationship you are looking for is a combination of the two aspects – the divine aspect (which remains constant throughout time and space) and the human aspect of your current time and space.
Let us first speak about the human aspect. Some years ago, a good husband on your planet was a man, who simply was able to support financially his family… and a good wife was a woman, who could cook well, kept the house in order, ironed, and birthed many babies. For the most of you, who are listening to this podcast today, these definitions are outdated, untrue, definitely not enough for a happy marriage, and maybe even insulting. In other of your cultures on earth, a good husband/a good catch is a man, who is a good warrior… or a man with impeccable honor… or a man of royal blood. As many different cultures you have and had, that many societal expectations you have about how your romantic partner should be. We doubt that a man, who can use a Japanese sword and can milk a goat will be the most desirable bachelor in… New York city nowadays 😊. So you see – the qualities that are expected of you as a partner and the qualities you expect of your partner… would have been very different if you were living at a different location on Earth…. or same place, but different century. To make it even more complicated – you were raised by parents with one set of expectations for a life partner and you ended up living in a world with a different set of expectations. So, you see – all these qualities of “a good catch” are an illusion and are not a guarantee for a happy relationship. But you are a herd-kind of a species, i.e. for you to thrive you want to be in harmony with the herd you live with, i.e. the expectations of your fellow humans are important for you (regardless what you say). Lucky for you, within your herd there are sub-herds, i.e. you can always find a group of people, who will think similar to you and you can receive the dreamed approval from them. For example: a woman gets divorced – her parents and the friends of her parents is possible to not approve of this decision at all, so the woman will feel uncomfortable in this sub-herd, because she will not be fulfilling their expectations. But she for sure has a few girlfriends, who support her and tell her that she is worthy of happiness and should do what it takes to find true love. In this sub-herd the woman will feel accepted and will want to spend more time in this circle of friends. Regardless of what you say, you do crave the approval of your fellow-humans, but… the good news is that humans are so diverse and you will always find a group of them, who will see the world like you and you can thus enjoy their approval. This is part of what it means to be wise – to know your weaknesses for the weaknesses they are and then… to not judge yourself – if you need approval to be happy – go find it at the right place and the right sub-herd.
Now let us speak about the divine love because this is what you all truly crave. And this is what you have been trying for thousands of years to explain and quantify with the above-mentioned qualities… which actually have nothing to do with the divine love. The human qualities and expectations of a love relationship are actually qualities you need in a partner, so you can survive the earthly life easier. In the past women needed a man, who can protect them because the world was a scary place; nowadays women need a man, who they can call an equal partner, because the world is too overwhelming for a single person to deal with it with ease. And this is all fine. You don’t need to judge yourself for having earthly needs – yes, you ARE partners on earth and you are supposed to help and support each other. But do not confuse the earthly support a person can give you with the divine love that you crave for. This is where most of the problems in “modern” relationships come from. The men say: “She is beautiful, and great in bed, and a great mother, and a great partner, but… the spark is gone;” women say: “He is a great dad and a caring husband, but… I need more.” This “more”, this “spark” you lack you look for it in the material qualities of your partner, while you need to look for them in his/her divine qualities. Making love is a slice of heaven where you feel whole again for a while, where you feel the oneness, where you can let go of the control and just enjoy the flow and beauty of life. And you want to feel like this all the time. And if you don’t, you think there is something wrong with your partner and that you need a new one. There is nothing wrong with your partner. Your partner is who he/she is and you cannot change this. But you need to open your own eyes and your own senses for the divine energy that is always around you, so you can feel that oneness, peace, and extasy on a constant basis and not only from time to time. This is actually your true wish.
So, if you want to have a successful love relationship with another human being, we ask you to lower your human expectations and to raise your divine expectations. Do not look for a list of specific human qualities in your partner but look how you can inspire the divine in each other. And sometimes the divine can be inspired by the good and sometimes by the bad – some people grow when left in peace and others grow when poked in the butt. As the saying goes – it is very easy to know what God needs you to do – it is the thing that is right now in front of you and you need to deal with it. God’s ways are not mysterious at all – they are in fact very obvious and simple – do what’s in front of you and do it in the best possible way and with the most amount of pure love you can muster. That’s it.
Are we pro-divorce? Yes. Are we pro staying together till death does you part? Yes. We are simply pro your growth and happiness. And growth sometimes hides in the most unpleasant places and the happiness is sometimes sweeter when you’ve tired yourself before that from work and trying.
Question 2: What can you tell us about cheating? This is nowadays a thing that often breaks relationships.
Answer: The cheating of the heart is a much bigger transgression than the cheating of the body. Contrary to what most people think, simply sleeping with someone else is… innocent. It’s like loving the food someone cooks, but then occasionally going to a restaurant or two—this doesn’t mean that you will never again enjoy or appreciate the home-cooked meal. After all, everyone knows that the home-made is much healthier and full of love and nutrients, as the restaurant food. A bit of diversity can even be good.
The question about the number of parallel partners you can have is an old one and each tradition and religion has solved it in its own way. In Islam, a man is officially allowed to marry up to 4 women. In some African cultures a man can have up to 100 wives. In some older civilizations of yours it was the women, who had many husbands and lovers. The acts of the body are on their own not what insults you. This which hurts you and what causes the breakup of many of your modern relationships is: first) your illusion how things “should” be and when this illusion shatters, you are shocked and shaken; second) your heart feels betrayed. And this is the real problem—how the heart feels. When a woman expects that her husband can have three other wives, she is not offended or hurt when he goes to one of them, but when a woman thinks that her husband belongs only to her (and society says so, too), then her ego feels betrayed. To your ego we can say—chill 😊; think about other cultures and see that everything is a point of view and society organization. There are even societies (not on your planet), where sexual pleasure is socially accepted in the open between any two individuals. But it is again the matters of the heart… that matter.
The crime of cheating, just as any other real crime, is the crime of hurting someone. You are not supposed to hurt another human being (including yourself). And when you do—you know you did something “wrong” and other person knows it. It is the hurt that counts, not the actual physical act.
If you are someone, who contemplates going astray from your current relationship—think twice before inflicting pain on your partner. If you are someone, whose heart was hurt, try to let go and to heal your heart as best as you can. We cannot tell you which kind of society organization is the right one… there is not one “right” one, but we can tell you that hurting another is not cool 😊.
Question 3: Why are there so many single people – people, who are divorced or who were never married?
Answer: Why do you think that there are many single people in the world? There are many more starving people than single in the world – this should be of a bigger concern to you. But we are happy to answer your question, for love will feed the hungry, too.
Have you noticed that this is actually one of the modern “illnesses” of your modern western society? In the rural less-developed areas on earth people have no problems finding a husband or a wife. Is it a good husband or a good wife? Usually it’s definitely not perfect, but many of you are ready to settle for much less than perfect anyway. One of the reasons why it has become difficult to find a relationship or to stay in a relationship is the newly implanted expectations you have been told u should have. It has started many years ago, when your fairy tales explained to you what a princess and a prince are. A princess is a beautiful woman, who all day sings and does… nobody knows what. And a prince is a man, who knows how to fight and… is rich and handsome. So basically… you have been trained since early childhood to look for external beauty and honestly… laziness – none of the fairy tales deal with what a prince or a princess do throughout the day. And no child wants to be the poor cook or the wood-chopper. Riches, fame, and external beauty – this is what you are trained you should dream of. And also later in life, your media keeps the fairy tale going – beautiful royals, beautiful Hollywood stars… all filthy rich… who don’t need to work to feed themselves. You keep on putting on pedestal riches, fame, and external beauty. And these are all qualities that have nothing to do with real love and the kindness of the heart, which you actually desire. You need to rewrite your fairy tales… and you need to remember what really matters in life, so when you meet it… you don’t pass it and loose it. In most cases it is simply that you cannot recognize the luck you have, when it’s right in front of your eyes… because you expected it to look a certain way and if it doesn’t… you simply don’t want it.
Why do many people get divorced? Getting divorced is not a bad thing per se. You are no swans – you are free to have as many partners as you have. It is your heart that determines the capacity of how many people you can love unconditionally. Is there a limit on how many children you can have? Has ever anyone told you that you’re a bad parent, if you have more than one child? No! If you love and can care well for the children – make as many as you wish – in your heart there is space for them all. It is your physical limitations that limit you – your age, your finances, your house size… but not your ability to love. It is the same with romantic partners – you can have as many as your heart can keep. The marriages that survive have a strong base and as you live in a dualistic world – it is either a solid material base (you’re in it for the material gains and they keep you strong together), or it is a solid spiritual base (you love each other can cannot imagine life without your partner). Can you stop loving your child? Your child will always have a special place in your heart. If you base your romantic partnership on spirit – it should be the same – your partner should have a very special place in your heart and no matter what he or she does, you cannot stop loving them. So if your relationship doesn’t have a solid material or spiritual base, then it is very possible that it falls apart if you find another partner, who can (maybe) offer you a stronger base (either material of spiritual). It brings us again to your fairy tales – you simply very often get confused about what you should be looking for and what can really make you happy for a lifetime.
Question 4: How to keep your current love relationship successful?
Answer: The most important love relationship you will ever have is with yourself. If you are not well, you cannot be there neither for your kids, nor for your friends, family, or partner. You should first put the oxygen mask on yourself – these are the rules of the life on earth. If you are running out of oxygen – you die. The spirit can also die. But before it dies, it makes noise, just like the body. If your heart is slowly dying in a relationship, there will be signs and you should be the one to notice them on time and you should be the one to search help and heal. Two souls come together in life to grow – they grow either through love or through hardships – it is usually a combination of both but one of the two prevails. The problem with staying too long in a tough situation is that you might stop learning in it, you might get numb (in order to survive) and this will be then the end of it all – many people spend a lifetime in a loveless relationship, never asking themselves why. Next time the soul will plan more wake-up calls on the path to ensure that this cannot happen.
So the answer to your question is simple. How to keep your current love relationship successful? Keep yourself happy first and then keep your partner happy, too. Like with the oxygen masks – put yours first and then help the people around you. If you let yourself die (figuratively speaking), your relationship cannot be a happy one and if you leave your partner struggle and die, you are again at a loss with the happy relationship.
We again go back to your fairy tales. Your fairy tales just teach you (wrongly) what you need to look for in a partner and then… they end at the wedding. Nobody thought you needed to know how to lead a successful marriage. Mothers of newborn babies need help… and this is supposed to be one of the most natural things for humans to do. So why do you think you don’t need help with learning how to have successful relationships? We cannot tell it all to you know – it is so vast. But we can tell you that you do need to learn how, and you do need to keep on learning how. Your society, your planet needs basic education on how to be human, how to be a good friend, a good parent, a good partner… and you need this education very early in life. You don’t need to teach kids foreign languages and computers when they are little – you simply need to teach them the human language. So try to patch your current relationships as good as you can and start working on creating the first non-broken generation on earth for the past few millennia.